WHO IS TO BLAME?

Over the years I seem to have made quite a name for myself. When people see me they already have a certain opinion of me. They seem to know what I can and cannot do and how I will react to certain situations. To say the least people seem to have an understanding of who I am or who they think I am…..whether they are often right or wrong will be left unsaid……for now.

This past weekend I attended a wedding of one of my close friends. We got to know each other through a certain group. All of us cleared high school the same year and we kinda stuck to each other. It has been quite an eventful nine years. A number of us have gotten married and a few of us are left, holding the fort, so to speak….ok let me backtrack kidogo…..

I started by saying that people seem to know me well right? So yeah, I wasn’t in the lineup. That went down ok. But I started to think haiya!!When we got down to explaining ati who gets to do what…..Let me put it this way, much as I wasn’t in the lineup I wanted to feel part of the whole planning process coz she was my girl. But quite the contrary things just passed me by…..the window shopping for the dresses, the brides maids fitting, the meetings…..everything!!  I actually felt bad that I missed out on everything but I never said a word coz all my gals looked ok with how things were. However, I felt bad that people only remembered me to do errands and make sure everything runs smoothly but I dint count for the random moments……These always makes the ending more pleasant when you remember the journey…….So back to my galz wedding…….

The service…. I was called up to sing and the sound guys just couldn’t find the track!! I stood there for what seemed like 10 minutes waiting for them to get it right but they just couldn’t get it! I ended up walking off the stage waiting for the ground to swallow up right there before I faced people telling me ‘sorry’. Embarrassment is one of those feeling I don’t like to experience often. I felt mad at everyone. The sound guy, my pal whom we were to sing with and who loaded the track to the sound guy, the people who were staring at me telling me ‘sorry’, myself for not doing another sound check that morning……….I wanted to blame someone, anyone but I just couldn’t point out who exactly I wanted to place the full blame on.

Who is to blame for the image you have set for yourself out there? I seem to have made a name for myself as that strong woman who is always so busy running the affairs of the world. When i get mad, people run coz I know how to get mad!! I have come out as that person people don’t want to meddle in their affairs coz either I look strong enough or I might just snap them away for saying something out of place. Who is to blame when I pass off as being ok while im actually not ok? I just got to thinking do people actually know me? Is it ok to correct people when they continue to have an opinion of you even after you have been friends for a while?

Im just thinking who exactly is to blame for the image we have set for ourselves out there?